I can't believe this...

As I was on the phone with my boyfriend, I was looking through the recipes for my Casserole. I so can't wait to try this recipe because I am craving for something creamy, juicy, and 'fattening'! Haha. I've done pastas and lasagnas but never baked rice. So its something new and this made me realise something.... hmm. That's a good start... *Talks to self*

I've prepared my shopping list and I'm ready to go. I have to try this recipe by this Friday so... We'll see! Wish me luck :))

Backache

I ended up not going to school because of my backache. How did I get it? Well, I woke up with 1/4 of my body hanging from the right side of the bed. So, my head was resting on air. The only support that I had was my back (right below the armpit area). So, what a devastating way to wake up! (Should be thankful that I wake up!)

The funny thing was, I did not realise or rather, I could not feel that I was sleeping like that. Maybe the fatigue? Could be.

So my day was blissfully spent watching a movie that I had longed to watch 'Julie & Julia'... :) Quite an inspiration though... It has inspired me to cook. Should cook eh! Long time no cook! I wanna cook cream mushroom with chicken topped with cheese... eat with rice, sounds delicious!

Now I just need to know when... :))

Confessions

I have to tell this to the world. I detest people who love to shout and who likes to scold. Everything can be settled with control. Shouting is almost equivalent to barking like a mad dog. And I can't stand people who don't know the meaning of embarrassment or being ashamed. Oh God, what is the world coming to?

depressing

I think I will need Anti-Depressants.

School has been ever so Depressing and Demoralising.
Now its home.

We have this issue of what I am going to do in future.
I had thought for such a long time.
But this decision I am about to make is disrespected.

Can I do what I like and not do what I don't like?
I am done doing something that I hate. I faced the fact, I am never good at design.
At least thats what the lecturers told me.

We are going through a huge ordeal at home already. Please don't add this on me.
If not for my faith in Allah s.w.t, I might have self-destruct and you might have seen and experienced an unforgettable nightmare.

All these years, I've never complained. I kept strong even when the odds are against me. Let me fight. I want to fight. Fight for a brighter future. Don't let me stay imprisoned. I don't want that. Please don't add to my sorrows. If you let me continue with my dreams, I promise you, I'll be the best that I ever can.

I'm sorry, I'm just not as passionate about design as I am before.
At least, Let me find other things that I can be proud and good at.
Just face the fact like how I had to face it (except that I had to face it terribly, you don't have to)
I AM NOT GOOD AT DESIGN!

I shall...

Take 30 minutes to draw my sections and elevations. So 4 drawings... that would take 2 hours. Can? hahaha. 30 minutes. yah right. I mean, can lah... must have the skeleton, at least... right? Then I'll have to do my building detail. So that would take around 2.30 hrs in total. So Ganbatte ne!

Now then I know. When you are depressed, your response time is longer. When you are depressed, you will look vacant. What ever you used to do fast, you'll do it slower. Yah.

Gotta love myself more. Give myself alot more attention. Love me.

Man Jadda, Wa Jadda

The tears that fall this time, are not tears of sadness.
But tears of enlightenment.

Allah swt has enlightened and presented me with alot of blessings.
Maybe, that's the reward for patience.

If you read today's BH, there's an article about a Malay lady, Hidayah Amin. She is the author for 'Gedung Kuning', a new book about Malay heritage which focuses on the culture of the Malay House found near Masjid Sultan. Now the house serves as a restaurant (Tepak Sireh). *Now I aspire to hold my future wedding dinner there. LOL*

How I see much of myself in Hidayah. But she gets to go to University and gets a lot of scholarship. My world crashed last year :) Nope. I'm not going to complain. Things happen for a reason. And Allah s.w.t is the most Fair. World is unfair, but Allah s.w.t is.

Hidayah is one of the ways to how Allah s.w.t shows me the right path, a consistent prayer of mine. Maybe that is His way of telling me that I should not give up on whatever I had started on. And I should maybe write a book someday? Hahahaha. Insyallah, you'll never know!

Masyallah...

I won't give up learning about the Malay and Islamic history, Insyallah. Only to Him I surrender.

Yeah I've fallen for an angel

Oh my gosh, I don't know why my stomach is having some problems. Aiya.

Anyway, I wanna go and have a look at the new City Square Shopping Centre near farrer park mrt... hmms, who's with me? hahaha. lame.

Seriously, I've been having bad stomach aches. Gastric maybe.

Just some note-to-self. I think I have been behaving well socially. No flirting, No defiancy, Being happy always... But I am procrastinating when it comes to work. The starting is always the problem! You know, these few days have been productive for my FYP though. (Hah, I still can't believe that I am taking FYP.... I feel like I am still a junior) I've never thought I would start producing this early, I mean... Oh my god? Submission is on Thursday and we are doing work from wednesday?

If my Lecturer did not drag us to the com lab and we'd still have to go for 'consultations-only' I tell you, I will only start drawing on the next wednesday!

See how bad I am. hahaha. Bad girl. :(

Happy Brithday Mama!

Hehe. Today is mama Gi's birthday :)) That's Ziza's mom aka my Fairly God Mother. haha.

Anyways, I was supposed to go to lalaland - 'yang tersayang' - at around 10.30 just now, because I need to go to school early-early tomorrow. But here I am, blogging. heh.

Mr.H is staying out this few days, so no call from him. Not long till he goes for his overseas training for around 2 months or less. I must train myself. haha. Not to be to attached to his calls. And I must focus on other things... That would make me happy... Like my family, and his family... especially his sister, ziza, and my sister nina. hahaha. If its the three of us, together, im gonna make it 'DA BOMB!'

Maybe, when we go out this monday, I should get nina to tag along... how bout that?

We are going Badoque Cafe! hehehe

With an open heart

I am sad. I miss Mama dearly. This is serious.
When you don't see the person whom you see everyday, you will feel the loss.
You will miss the great impacts they had made in your life.
How they made you change your ways.

I miss my best friend. I looked through my earlier blogposts. What fun we had before. I guess, everything changed because of me. Maybe I took things so seriously. Maybe because I made a huge fool of myself. Maybe because I lost myself. So I lost her. Maybe.

But Im gonna change all that.

Miss you loads bestie, will you forgive me and shall we start a new?
I promise I will joke and not take your words to the heart.
I promise I will go shopping with you and entertain you like mad.
I won't just look and go when I shop with you k.
Hahaha. If you say I les or anything i wont take it to the heart cos i know i'm not. hahaha.

So will you take my hand? (not literally)

I'm not les, Im not bi.
I love my bestie sincerely.
Because she is my bff.
She always reminds my of the 'true path'
and thats why i love her and her mom.
But I also love my sis and my mom lah.
Anyway.

I love you people. I love you!

Now then I realise

I have not many friends! ahahahahahahaha
Well, I do have friends lah, but I can't find friends who would hang out with me when I am bored... you know, just chillax or something...

I think I brought this upon myself. Cos all this while, I've been working or studying... and my circle of friends is like 3 -4 people? Pathetic. I know I have more friends than that k.

You know, I won't let myself be upset cos I don't have people to entertain me. haha. I made up my mind... I'm not going to join my cuzzins go clubbing or lepak. Im going to start figuring out my dreams... and be busy. Start doing assignments and stop procrastinating. Be a high-achiever. Thats gonna make me not worry about not having friends to go out with or no boyfriend to entertain me. If this is how I have to live my life, and if it is good for me, and if it is the path that Allah swt has shown me, then I'll walk and I'll lead the way.

Right into the arms of Allah.

Last day of 2009....

In a few hours time, It would mark a new year. But we would still be the same people. It is just a year... nearer to our death... So be thankful to Allah for letting us stay in this temporary world and enjoy his fruits... Giving us time to prepare for the Hereafter....

Beestung

Life, as we have already know it, is full of ups and downs.
Sometimes, we get misunderstood, sometimes we get insulted and most of the time, life would be unfair for us.

I don't get why I get misunderstood sometimes. Or maybe, most of the time. Maybe I was complacent and arrogant? Maybe more to impatient? or too ambitious?

What I know for now, is that I have pretty much learnt how to be patient and how to handle difficult situations with a clear mind.

Thank Allah S.W.T for His guidance... I have been able to take everything that happens with a pinch of salt. My sister would say that I am weird, but hey, it is the truth. Not everything can be seen with your naked eyes. Most of the time, internal and eternal happiness would be achieved when you look with your inner eye. That is when you look at things that happens in front of you optimistically.

If something bad happens to me, I would say that Allah SWT wants to replace it with something better. One example would be my laptop? When I lost it, of course it was heart-shattering. But He did replaced it with another laptop which is much better and I am so thankful for that :) Syukurillah.

Having a smile on our face is different from having a smile in our heart. When we smile in our heart, it means that we are contented with what we had done, we are doing, and going to do. How do we smile in our heart? When we do something that is best for us, in the name of Allah. When we remain focus on what we want to achieve everyday. When we don't worry about the future and accept everything that has been written for us.

Do you believe that Allah SWT will give only the best to His creations? You, as a Muslim, have to believe because you believe in Him.

Why don't I feel exhausted?

Guess what? Today is literally 'work' day!

9-3 at BLG. I thought I was late... But when I reached the office, Boss have yet to come in. Buat cuak ajer. Then I sat until 11 plus until boss came in and that was when I got released from the suffocated feeling of doing nothing but sit around. Told mama Gi, "when some one is used to do heavy work, she would feel tired if she is forced to sit." And mama Gi said, "Ya, and the ones who is used to sit at work, find work like this tiring..." Pretty true.

I don't really feel tired at all! :) WOW! [ok, why is my window wide open?]

So after which I headed straight to O'braim :) And the rest is history, hehe. Tomorrow, I will spend my day at O'braim again. heh. Goreng Pisang O'braim Panas-Panas!

Happy Day :)

I feel so happy that I can't sleep. And tomorrow, I have to wake up at 6 or 7 latest. The reason to why I am happy is because I managed to make some good decisions today... Decisions that would make life easier and much happier for others. :) Syukur alhamdulillah.

I can tell you that I've changed the way I look at things. Now, I would like to look at things positively. And shall constantly remind myself that there is no such thing as 'But it's just too bad. you've had the best days of your life' or 'I can't do it, because I am not a prophet'. These are all pessimistic quotes which we should hinder.

I recommend you to think positive, seek for guidance from Allah, look, listen... For those may be signs. Never think of any negativity at all because we human beings are more attracted to negativity than positivity, It's all mind over matter. :)

I wish I could share some of my experiences with you but I am pretty tired already. :) I shall just put it in a few words all right?

Sincerity does not need a tongue, nor does it need an eye.
Compassion is you before me.
Appreciation needs a smile, even if a dime.
Contentment is being thankful and not asking for more.
With these, you'd achieve the greatest love of all,
loving YOURSELF.

Ya habibi, Ana Aihbak...
Ana bahibak, Ya Hakam...
:)

Romeo And Juliet

My love story is a bit much like New moon (one of the Twilight Sagas).

Even if there is a dream guy out there waiting for me, ready to love me...
Until you leave me for another lady in your heart,
My head would not stop thinking of you.
Every breath I take reminds me of the things we did together.
And my heart would always feel lost and shaky.
Like as if, it is really only beating for a man like you.
And until these two hearts combine,
my heart will always ask for yours.

~I'm sorry. It has always been him.

Day one.

Tonight, tears accompany me as I dream about him.
Maybe, I would not dream about him.
I have to be strong. This may be hard.
I still love him.
That, no one can change.
But if he is happy, I am happy.
I guess.

Mungkin

Sudah suratan?
Aku dan engkau, tidak akan bahagia.
Kerana dua Dunia kita yang sangat berbeza.
Hidupku untuk akhirat, tidak pernah kau terima.

Aku gagal.
Aku mengalah.
Sungguh aku berserah kepada Dia yang Maha Kuasa.

Sujud Mengharap.
Bukakanlah matanya,
Terangkanlah hatinya dengan kebesaranMu, Ya Khudayah.
Hanya PadaMu aku berserah...

Selamat Tinggal buat kali ini.

Peristiwa Subuh

Good Morning world :)

I feel so good today :)

Yeay :)

You never know what a Solat can do to you :)

It changes your day automatically even if it isn't over yet :)

Masya'allah... :)

Thinking of changing my blogskin to something more.... Matured looking. hmm...

Nausea

Now then I realise, making people happy does not mean that you will achieve happiness.
I forgot that the greatest love of all is when you love yourself.

Masya'allah. Ya Allah forgive me of my sins. This world is a lie. Why did I look forward to this world? Ya Allah, You have already warned me. The only happiness lies in Your path. Ya Allah, why is it that I can't 'talk'. When I talk, nobody listens. But You gave me a gift. A gift of writing. Portraying my feelings through words... Even if sometimes, people don't get me. But I doubt so. Because if people don't listen, they read. Alhamdulillah.

Ya Allah, I feel lonely.
Why ya Khudayah? Ya Allah, I feel like giving up. I don't know give up on what. Maybe give up on this world? Turn to Sufism.

Ya Allah, I feel sad tonight.

Joglo

My FYP allows me to go deeper into Islam's history which has greatly influenced the Malay history especially in Indonesia. I have to admit that sometimes, I get lost in time and space and most of the time, I can't get back to reality.

I don't understand, why the world is so cruel nowadays. I dream of being in the past, and I like it there. But here I am, stucked in a world full of hatred. Where people like seeing others suffer. And envy those who are living happy lives. Is that the way to live?

Anyways, Did you know that Islam in Indonesia is far more stronger than Islam in the Middle East? My father always say that if people had to do their pilgrimage in Indonesia or other countries, No one would think of going to Mecca or Medina (Saudi).

I went once for my Umrah and I can still remember it vividly, eventhough I was only 9 when I went there. (Gosh, it has been like 10 years?) I am lucky that I was serious about my Ibadah at that age. Alhamdulillah. It is so undeveloped at that time. The Airport? Masya'allah. The service? worse...

I still remember having to queue in a very long line. The aircon was like half dead or something, maybe it was just the body heat from the others. The funny thing is that when it was near to get our passport stamped and 'written on', the officer can close the counter and have coffee!!! Hahaha.... I don't know, maybe I'm used to good service. But still?! Like Sultan, Like citizen. Though I must admit... that not all Arabians we saw were like that. That one, we call Arab Dugul.

Some others could speak in Bahasa Indonesia and was happy when they see us (Malays). But if they ask where we were from, my father always said 'Malaysia'. Father said, they like Malaysians... They don't like Singaporeans. Some think that Singapore is still part of Malaysia. So Can la... ahhaha. At least, better than you say Singapore is part of China right??

I'm not complaining but it makes you wonder what the Sauds are doing with the money they get from the Pilgrims.

The Sauds should do something huh. Something should happen there. Le's just see. Mecca is already flooding you know...