So bored

Current situation:
Bored.
Amazed by Irshaad's lappy.
Still exploring Irshaad's lappy.
Thirsty.
Bored.
Still bored.
Oh GOD help me!!!

This is it!

Now I think I have my answer. The answer to why I feel dead. Why I feel like I am not being myself. For these past 10 months or more. And I still wonder though... What had been missing? Why is it that I don't feel my own presence? I thought I was lost.

I remember those times though, when I used to blog frequently... Reflecting on my life. I would always wonder... Why was I given the signs? Even if I do not ask for it? For the past few months that I've lost myself, I think I had been too arrogant to even see the signs. I was so arrogant that I did not even notice I was being arrogant! What a big pity.

But now I know. What had kept me for being me is family. My beliefs. My way of life. Reflecting everyday, putting it down in words... I just loved reflecting. Oh those days. The days where I cherished every moment of my life. When I knew whatever I was doing... When all I cared was to make people happy, not for making people accept me! Why did I change? Why did I change for the worse?? Now I am talking to the girl in the mirror. Now I know what is wrong with her!

God forgive me and my sins. There is nothing I need most other than You. For You are my guide, for you are my light. You shine my way when I led myself into the loom (like 90% of the time!) And you were always there for me... even when I did not notice you. Sometimes I even forget you. Damn me. Now I realise that I do not deserve to go to Your heaven at all. Oh Allah, have mercy on me. Because I do not have the strength to step in Your hell, let alone be Your hellfire.

I felt the ground shake at Far East Plaza just now. Ideas came into my head. What if the building were too fall? Would I still be alive? What about my siblings? Will I get the chance to tell my mom I love her? Would I be able to ask for forgiveness from my relatives and friends? Will I even be given the chance to repent? If I die, and I don't repent, that means I would not have any chance to repent! I will go to hell?! I pushed the thoughts away. Too much to handle.

Then we watched "This is it". MJ. My all time favourite. My idol since I was six. Why people love Michael? Now I know. He is humble. No matter what race, no matter who are you, even if you are amongst the enemy, he will still say "God bless you", "I love you". His tone of voice is so soft. It is as if he is singing but he is actually talking. The way he brings himself is so exquisite and fine. The way he works... very detailed. He is the best of the best that only the best can work with him! masya'Allah.

He gave me the chance to see this movie. To see for myself, what I had been missing. To help me find my answers. I am so touched by His care and love. So touched.

Alhamdulillah Syukurillah, for I have found my answers.
Thak you Allah.

'HALLOWEEN' Freaks Me Out...

Pfft... what a day! Went to Ang Mo Kio today... Recce the Town Garden. Pretty small area... But we were amazed by the awesome background that the softscape gives us for our photos. Such lush greenery!

One good thing is that we had to climb up the hills. After three months of solid 'Heavy' lunchs and no exercise, we went back to square one and started on our Final Year Project. Yeah baby, work it out! Tomorrow is going to be Fort Canning 'Day' For us. Haha. Gonna leave home early in the morning and start our recce.

Then we went to watch Halloween with Ziza's family :S I swear I felt like crying and vomitting through out the whole show! It gave me no room to breath. I could only gasp. Luckily, Hakam was there to make me feel safe. Even though it felt so awkward because I was sitting next to his mom. :l Okay, I am going to relax and calm down. Next week, my favourite cousin is getting married! But tomorrow... jeng3... I'm gonna see him again! Teehee! Can't wait. :))

Nobody knows what kind of love we share.

Now that I am back!

Got myself mobile broadband from M1 :) So... I can get internet access anywhere, provided I bring my lappy. But I'm not going to do that everytime. Even if I do, I have to be very careful.... So that I would not lose my Laptop any more :)

Something has been smothering me... I had an argument with a friend that time. After reading my posts, do you think I have problems with my english? I mean, I know I did not get a distinction for English during my o's but Seriously?

I asked her that if she thinks I had problems with my english, why don't she correct it? So I asked her to correct me. And guess what? She could not answer! Pfft. Come on lah. Oh ya, she had problems with my TycoPrincess nick name. *Clenches fist* Come on lah! Anyone who has played pool with me knows that I'm Tyco... She thinks tyco is good? You don't know the rules of pool is it? If I wanted to show off, I would have nicknamed myself "PoolPrincess" Or some name. I really don't like this kind of people. Problematic.

Ok now I'm done venting my anger. haha. Everytime I think of her, it makes me angry. I can't believe I was so good to her last time. Badigol kan? Now, she's like a backstabber. You know, in Malay there's this saying... Bagai melepaskan anjing yang tersepit. Like you help a dog, what does it do after that? Thank you? No... It runs. I can't Believe I was good to a female dog.

BTW, Happy Birthday Mika! I can't believe you are seven... I thought you were 8!!

Great Book!

"I Believe You"

http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyoufn.htm

“You’re like the North Pole of a magnet bar, and Jacky is also like the North Pole of a magnet bar. There’s no way for both of you to be close together. There’s a force that’ll always push you both apart. This force is called the obstacle, like interest differences, communication problems and etc.“However, if you put a metal bar in between, both you magnets will stick to it. And you’ll be close to each other. That metal bar dissolves the force that pushes both of you away. And that metal bar is what we called love.”

*How nice!!!*

This book is actually about a NJC girl sufferring from OCD. The journey tells of how a schoolmate helped this introvert demise her illness, and they end up falling in love. The twist? Both believe that they can't love. :)

utterly BORED.

So, I decided to take this picture of the office desk that I have been working on. It's ONE of the office desks, to be precise. The other, is much more... *ehem* messier. HurHur....

Notice the two cordless mouse? I always get confuse between the two haha! And I'll end up getting irritated at myself. You might wonder why I need a laptop when I have a Desktop... well, its simply because, the Desktop does not have Autocad installed... and my laptop? Well, there's no wireless internet access available :( heh. How Cool...

Ok, the fax machine's ringing! (That has got nothing to do with me but yeah... bye!)

Reply Post To Azimah Azman

My dear friend Azimah has posted a very powerful video in her blog. It is a quote.

Excerpt From 'Coach Carter'

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkess that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. Its not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others."

Now, how would I reiterate this quote in my own words? Well, here it goes.

We are most afraid of being powerful, not of being weak. By acting weak, it does not do any justice; there is nothing good about being small so that others would feel comfortable around you. Everyone is meant to shine; as children do. And as we let ourself to soar, we sub-consciously allows others to do so. And as we are freed from our own fears, our presence automatically frees others from their fears.

In a nutshell, when you are 'average', people are comfortable with you. But when you are excellent, you allow other people to excel with you.

I have a life lesson that has something to do with you (Azimah). I used to be bad at maths and never wanted to excel (since Pri 2) because none of my friends do. And I hated being a nerd, although I used to look like one. I wanted to be cool in school. So I did not really care about maths. And so, there was a bunch of us who hated maths, and only a handful of 'nerds', I must say.

But, it was only in sec 4 (where I met you) that I realise I had to be good in maths. I did not care how, but I managed to open my heart to accept maths. When I accepted maths, I listened and paid attention more to the teacher. Although some of the guys in our class were fooling around, I still wanted to learn. Of course, I could choose to be 'cool' and join them. But I did not want to. I can act like I want to be good in maths and practise everyday, and drown myself in the 10 year series. But nothing would be accomplished until you learn to accept and learn from your mistakes and remember not to do it again.

So, when it was time to apply, we have to practise. This part is the most challenging because you want to still look cool. But 'cool' in another way and also a positive way. Of course you can choose to ask your friends and they will tell you they know nuts about maths. Especially when you have a bestfriend who would squeeze her pimples every time when she starts doing her 10 year series. (Sorry Lynn! haha) Now, how depressing is that??

Did you remember? That was when I looked and turned to you. I wanted to be good. You looked like you are keen in being good. There was nobody whom I could look up to at that point of time. We were into cliques and the class was not that good in maths. So that made the situation difficult. Tell me one time when Ms Cheong (our maths teacher/FORM teacher) would come into class and not nag at us about maths? ahaha. And we would make fun of her hair and what not... haha. Those days... But hey, she was the one who made me accept maths. I owe her big time.

So yeah, that was when I started being diligent with the 10 year series. *New best friend aye.* And as I thought you were approachable bacause you seem keen to excel, I gave you a call when I had problems with maths. In return, you'd stay up with me, doing maths all night... haha, ON THE PHONE! How cool. But that was the best moments I had in life. I gained 2 new best friends there. Good and real best friends. And now, as we have achieved our goals, we look up to each other. Imagine having a lot of friends... sharing the same friendship like we have... Always looking up to each other. Never stepping each other down. And we tell each other how we look up to each other and we mean it. :) Alhamdulillah for a friend like you.

A healthy friendship needs reciprocation. If one tells you that he/she looks up to you, never ever let her down by disregarding her remark. Always accept it and thank him/her and reciprocate. Find something that is good about her, and tell her. There is nothing to lose, in addition you will gain a real friend of a lifetime.

Like the quote above Azimah, you wanted to excel and you allowed me to. You let me excel because without you, I would still be clueless about maths. Although both of us were not that good, we had the same interests and we generate each other's logical thinking skills. And we learn together. We deciphered each questions together. I never regret that moment of my life. Never.

Until we meet again,
Assalamua'laikum :)

Masyallah

Bukan mudah Ya ALLAH…
Berdiri di tangga kemewahan, kenikmatan dan kesenangan
Keindahan dunia ini menganggu ku
Kemanisan hubbu dunya ini mencarik-carik imanku
Dimanakah aku tanpa kecintaan padaMU

Aku runsing Ya ALLAH
Aku berlari ke sana dan ke sini
Aku mencari dan terus mencari
Dimanakah ku tagih cinta Ilahi
Bagaimana harus ku bayar nikmat yang Kau beri
Sedang aku tidak diuji
Maka saat aku tidak diuji, adalah ujian yang terbesar sekali
Andai bisa aku berbicara denganMU
Dan ku harap Kau mendengar pengaduanku
Sungguh aku bukan bercakap kosong
Inilah keluhan hatiku
Yang merindu cinta MU, yang mengharap keredhaan MU….

Ampuni aku Ya ALLAH
Aku lemah lagi tak bermaya
Melawan sesuatu yang digelar fana dunia
Aku tak mampu Ya ALLAH,
Belenggu ini menghimpit ku…
Belenggu ini menghiburkan hatiku
Sehingga aku senang denganya
Sehingga aku takut kehilanganya
Sedang cintaMU itu sangat luar biasa…
Sedang cintaMU itu lebih dari segala-galanya…

Sungguh aku tak layak Ya ALLAH menghampiri syurgaMU
Dan pasti menggeletarlah seluruh tubuhku mendengarkan api nerakaMU
Lalu ke manakah langkahku
Selayaknya dimanakah tempatku
Atas redhaMU ya Rabbi..
aku hanya menuruti
Andai aku diseksa, kan aku patuhi
Asalkan Kau meredhai hidupku ini

Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sudi menyayangi diri ini
Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sering mendengar pengharapan serta pengaduanku
Terima Kasih Ya ALLAH kerana sering bersama-sama denganku,
tak kira apa keadaan imanku
Sesungguhnya Ya ALLAH,
cinta ku hanya milikMU…

*taken from azraqjuniormuslimahgirl

Renungan Ramadhan 3

Sesekali kita terbang meranjau, manggapai langit. Dan sesekali kita jatuh, terhempap mencium bumi. Apabila perkara itu berlaku, apakah kita akan terus mengalah dan serik?

Seandainya kau melihat redup renungannya, mungkin kau akan sedari, mungkin kau kan fahami...

Seringkali kita ucapkan syukur kepadaNya, dan selalunya kita bertanya apakah silap salah hingga mendapat balasan seperti ini. Sebagai manusia, kita leka. Leka bahawa dengan ujian sebegini, ia mengingatkan... Ia menyedarkan. Itulah petanda untuk pulang ke jalan asal.

Mengapakah kita selalu mempersalahkan orang lain? Mengapa kekadang kita rasa diri kita ini hebat? Mengapakah acapkali kita tidak ambil peduli, berkata dan mengucap sesuka hati. Maka itu lah saat-saat apabila diri leka.

Renungan Ramadhan 2

Seseorang itu harus mempunyai keyakinan diri apabila membuat sesuatu keputusan. Itu sudah tentu dan tidak dapat dinafikan lagi. Jika dia tidak yakin pada dirinya, tentu dia sudah bertanya kepada orang yang pada pandangannya lebih alim.
Namun begitu, jangan pula kita sangka bahawa, jikalau seseorang itu bertanya kepada kita tentang sesuatu, dirinya itu lemah dan dia mendongak kepada kita. Jangan sesekali engkau sombong. Sebenarnya orang yang suka bertanya itu lebih bijak daripada orang yang suka memberi jawapan.
Bayangkan, seseorang yang suka bertanya akan menujukan soalan yang sama kepada lima orang yang berlainan pendapat. Dia yang untung kerana dia mempunyai lima jawapan dan terserah kepadanya untuk menggunakan akal fikirannya supaya dapat menapis informasi yang tidak realistik atau relevan. Dan sisanya adalah jawapan yang 99% tepat.
Manakala orang yang merasakan dirinya itu alim (berpengetahuan) dan tidak memerlukan pandangan orang lain, adalah orang yang paling rugi kerana belum tentu jawapan yang telah diandaikannya sendiri itu betul. Lalu diberitahu jawapannya kepada orang lain. Jika salah, malulah dia, dan bodohlah dia kerana dia telah mengikut ‘kepandaiannya’ membabi buta selama ini.
Namun, tidak semua orang yang suka bertanya dan berpengetahuan seperti itu. Sebab itu diadakan akal dan fikiran. Segala kejadian adalah unuk kita nilaikan sendiri. Hanya Allah S.W.T yang maha bijaksana.

Renungan Ramadhan 1

1
Lebih seminggu Ramadhan sudah menemani kita. Banyak yang dapat dipelajari and kini, banyak juga yang dapat direnungkan. Alangkah hibanya hati ini terasa apabila mengenangkan nasib yang kita, kaum manusia sendiri, cari.
Apakah benar kesejahteraan dan kemakmuran itu hadir kerana kita? Ataukah, kesejahteraan dan kemakmuran itu hadir kerana kelalaian diri kita sendiri?
Kerana kita tidak mengambil berat tentang orang lain yang tidak senasib dengan kita? Lalu kita menginjakkan lagi semangatnya dengan mengheboh-hebohkan kekurangannya? Lalu si polan sabar dengan keterangan itu kerana dia tahu bahawa dia, yang mencacinya itu tadi, tidak akan faham pekara yang dialaminya kerana dua dunia mereka berbeza. Lantas, Sang Sombong membodohkan dirinya lalu berjalan lagi megah. Adakah itu wajar dan patut dilakukan?
Pelbagai jenis manusia hidup di dunia ini. Terlalu banyak jenis untuk dinamakan. Untuk kemudahan, dan supaya tidak ada perbelahan, kita anggap diri kita SAMA. Maka itu lah kesalahan dan kekurangan kita. Sebenarnya, kita tidak sama. Kita semua adalah lain. Entiti tersendiri. Cap jari kita lain. Mata kita lain. MUNGKIN sahaja, hati dan kepercayaan kita yang sama.
Mengapa kita selalu lalai, hingga melampau? Terlalu lalai mendatangkan riya’, kejijikan, dan ia akan memudaratkan diri kita sendiri. Selalu kita lupa pada ‘nawaitu’. Seringkali kita lupa bertanya akan kenapa perkara itu boleh terjadi. Dan acapkali, kita leka kerana kita telah dikurniakan ni’mat yang terlebihnya daripada Allah S.W.T, hingga kita lupa pada diri kita. Adakah engkau berpijak pada bumi? Ataukah engkau masih berada didalam khayalan sendiri? Sedarlah.
Mengapa kita hidup begini? Seperti orang yang tidak ada arah tujuan? Kais pagi , makan pagi. Visi kita tidak sama dengan kepercayaan kita. Tunggu, adakah kita faham akan kepercayaan kita itu? Apakah kepercayaan kita? Kepercayaan yang telah dinodai dengan dunia yang kita lahirkan. Islam. Apakah itu Islam? Adakah kita hidup dengan cara Islam yang sepenuhnya? Apakah kita sebagai umat Islam, mempunyai pendirian sendiri? Adakah kita masih mengangkat agama dan kepercayaan kita seperti mana diharapkan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W ? Ataukah, kita masih lalai dang terlalu terpengaruh dengan dunia hingga kita melupakan asal-usul. Bangkitlah.
Kita adalah panji-panji kepada agama yang amat mulia ini. Jangan kita suka bertengkar sesame sendiri. Jangan kita suka merendahkan satu sama lain. Jangan kita suka membongkakkan diri kita dan terus berjalan menghadap ke langit. Astaghfirullah.

To All Muslimins and Muslimahs...

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan
Yang Penuh Barakah Dan Kesucian

Semoga Segala Amalan Kami Diberkati Allah S.W.T

*Maa fi Qalbi Ghairullah*

Syukurullah

Hello people! Long time no blog... heh... *cheeky smile* Have been busy with work... Juggling two jobs which are filling my life positively. Very nice... So fulfilling :) God, I am so thankful that I have two bosses who are very nice pwople. And what's nice is that both my bosses work with their spouses! Haha. So sometimes I feel like being treated like a kid. Ok, not sometimes... Its all the time!

-Sometimes people aren't thankful. And sometimes, it hurts.

Alone in the office

:) Alhamdulillah.
I currently am still in love with my SIP :) (Yeay! Sambut Raya @ BLG!!)

*Ya Allah kurniakan lah ketenangan dunia akhirat
selamat kan kami dari azab Mu
tunjukkan kami jalan lurus Mu
kami memohon hidayahMu
dekatkan kami sunnah Nabi Mu"

Bored.

Omfg? almost been 1 month that I have not updated my blog?? haha. How... Funny?

I have a lot of things to say.
Alot of complains, and alot of new experiences to share.

However life seems to be a routine.

I'll share once I get out of this 'boring' state of life.

You are not alone

I feel lethargic to do my model... Tsk. MODEL! Ahhhh... Model... Tsk... I have approximately 48 hrs to finish 2 models... and I dare say that one model would take like 6-8 hours... Minus 5hrs of school+journey to and fro. 8 times 2.... 11! Yeay, 11 hrs of sleep? Great!

Can I just do one model?????? I have been procrastinating and this is the day I have to face my fears. I have to do it! I have to do it! I must do it! That's it!

Go fresh up... Do a good job. Fast and Smart. :) Let's Fight now. Pray as hard as you'd work hard in life.

Insyallah, everything will end soon.

-Guilty as I am...

What was that?

Basically I got a position as an intern already at a company run by a malay ;) And I am very happy to have accepted the second offer. What second offer you might ask. Well. Here is my part of the story.

Companies were issued to us before our two weeks break. I got mine and was given 15 minutes to think about it. I almost wanted to acccept the offer because of the people, and the job scope and such. However, after calling my father, I opted for self-procurement. After class, my father gave me a list of companies. But none of them caught my eye. I still wanted that company though I know that its going to pay me peanuts.

I never sent a resume. The next few days, my father told me he might know the managing director of the company. So I called to ask if he was the one my father was talking about. True enough. I accept what had been written. We came to another conclusion after discussing and he kept the place for me. Alhamdulillah.

So tell me now. Am I lucky or what?

Electrifying Shock.

He's coming back today! Yippee!

Student Internship Programme. Very... Justifying I suppose. It made me realise why am I in this Environment Design Diploma. After more than two years of being stucked inside a 'chamber' with uber number of failures, the question imposed remains to be, "Have I made the right choice?" A couple of endurance and there you go. A door opens for you. A new opportunity, a new perspective.

"You mean, they were all lies?" No, I shall not take them as lies. What these people tell us that makes us think twice does not really happen to everyone. Especially, not them. Oh tell me, if they had gone through all that disastrous moments successfully, would they be where they are now? You mean they are superhumans? Very humble people? All I see is people who could not go futher so they push us to chase their dreams. I am NOT saying that this is BAD but sometimes, when you push too much, you do get off guard. Is this what you want to get at the end of the day? Hopefuls being uncertain of their own dreams and thinking twice about their passion?

"FORGET IT! I'm getting out!" Some might say. But they say, it is when you want to give up that success is near. And maybe I can feel that for myself. Not success in terms of academic, but Success in keeping what I believe alive. I almost gave up and wanted to throw my passion away. Just get that damn cert and let's run away from here. Don't look back. But God has showed me a way. A new perspective. One thing that I will keep and I will always remember. This will bring me through my whole life.

I have learnt that not everybody are like the ones they describe to us. Not everybody likes to demoralise people. Not everybody are like that. So SCREW THEM. Let's move on with a life I wanna lead. A lot of people deserves to be the golf ball in my jar. But some also deserve to be sand. So I am not shakened.

Movies...

New Moon Coming Soon!

OMG. The trailer already makes it look so good!
I wanna watch!!!

'New Moon' Teaser Trailer @ Yahoo! Video

Long Hiatus

Apologies people... I had been long one from the cyber world for a while, but guess what? Now, I am back! (yah, right) Mama Nur actually bought me a new laptop which is quite similar to my old one. Costs much lesser but better graphics. I can't believe I had been cheated once again! Omg!

The last one (V3790TU) I bought about 9 months back (?) costed 2099 but this one (CQ35 - 112TX) costed 1799. Same brand, HP Compaq. But the difference? V3790TU was latest that time, and it had the 'best' specs. 14 inch, 2.4gh, 3gb ram, scratch-resistant, what else could you ask for? But CQ35 is now the latest series and it has free upgrade from 2gb ram to 4 gb, nvidia graphics card, 13 inch, lighter than that of V3790TU and plus, fingerprint reader and 2.4 gh. The higher performance version has 500gb hdd and 4gb ram. processor is 2.6+. But 2.4 is already fast. what more if it is working on xp. haha. Wow...

Ok enough said about laptops. I got my hard disk drive and also optical mouse (wireless) for free... Hehe. Mama Nur was a real bargain queen! (the salesperson said so!) She wanted to have that laptop for 1500? Wah... *Faint* But at last we got it for 1590. settled then.

Now I haven't got enough sleep... waiting for ziza to finish doing her hair, while 'enjoying' my coffee... OMG. I forgot coffee makes me sleep!!! omg!!! no wonder I am soooo sleepy!

Ok I am dozin off already...

Gd luck for presentation Ziza! nights....