Read his post... Damn... I feel so... Useless... Many things are running through my head, my emotions... It's all going haywire... !@#$% Damn! I am so so so sorry... Seriously I didn't know.... I thot he was having fun with moo, and tom, and all... but turns out that he was like... BORED? Well... He watch enchanted with someone... I dunno... He told me he was with his friend earlier at bugis. So, I did not think it would 'kill' him... Damn I feel so useless...
Its not that I don't want to go out with him, he knows I'm busy... Well at least I'm not now. But I'm not totally free... I also have somethings... DAMN! I don't know how I should make it up to him... Oh GOD! Difficult having a Boyfriend isn't it... But this was my choice... What can I say? To whom can I complain? Just finish off where I started... I'll try not to let him hang on breakable threads... Peels my heart to read his post... So there are some things this r/ship lacks. Seeing each other physically for him, and for me, Its showering words to me. I love it when he showers me with caring words in his messages. It puts me to sleep, in happiness... If can, those are the words I'd like to hear when I'm lying in my deathbed... The words besides 'AsyhaduAllah Illaha Ilallah, Wa'asyhaduanna Muhammadar rasulAllah' The words which he'd create on the spot, or he found in his outbox/drafts, or he took from a song... I'd love to hear or see them every night before I close my eyes... At least if I die in my sleep, I'd die smiling... I care for him, I really do... I really, really do... I don't know how I can prove it to him, to myself... I'm not in the place to do so... Somethings are bothering me... I prefer to run... I know, he once said, I could not keep things to myself, this is no longer me alone... whatever happens, it affects him too... I still put his words dear to my heart. There's this thing about him. He never lies. The only lie, is when he is sad but he still laughs. maybe i do that too... Thats why... It's hard for us to see, to imagine how the other would be feeling because there are always laughter. Esp in our smses. Thats why i did not know that he was feeling down just now... It's been a month+... We'll be happy for a long time... I'll do my best :D
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