Alone

1) Saya baru sahaja pulang daripada pawagam Golden Village, menonton cerita "Alone" yang mempunyai jalan cerita yang padat dan tidak membosankan. Saya tidak tahu mengapa saya 'blog' dalam bahasa Ibunda hari ini tetapi jika anda merasa janggal, harap maafkan saya. Sudah namanya anak Melayu, haruslah bangga dengan bahasa sendiri. Hmm... Oh ya. Saya menonton wayang bersama dua orang teman saya, Hafidz dan Sarah. Apa yang mampu saya katakan tentang cerita tersebut ialah, ia dapat meremangkan bulu roma anda jika anda menontonnya, walaupun adegan-adegan yang menyeramkan sikit jumlahnya, namun, cara penulis skrip mengawal perasaan dan emosi penonton dengan jalan ceritanya amat memberangsangkan. Seperti suatu adegan yang menggerunkan, rumah watak utama, Pim, mengalami gangguan elektrik dan rumah itu menjadi gelap. Apabila Pim dapat mencari lampu suluhnya, dia berjalan ke daerah ruang dimana terletaknya sebuah piano. Dia terdengar bunyi daripada sudut belakang piano, dan menuju kearahnya. (Pada masa ini, muzik latar belakang membuat hati saya berdegap-degup) Dan... dia ternampak sebuah buku (saya tidak pasti) (Pada masa itu, saya menghembuskan nafas lega dan menurunkan baju sejuk yang saya gunakan untuk menyelubungi diri saya.) Apabila saya fikirkan bahawa adegan itu sudah berakhir, tiba-tiba Pim mendongakkan kepalanya dan ternampak kembarnya yang mati dan menjelma sebagai hantu didalam cerita itu. Fuhh... seramnya. Sehinggakan saya teriak ketakutan! Selepas adegan itu, saya terus berjaga-jaga agar tidak lalai dan dikejutkan lagi. Tetapi, tiada lagi adegan yang seperti itu terjadi. Tidak berbaloi pula usaha saya berjaga-jaga. Yang pasti, anda harus saksikan wayang itu di pawagam!

2) Sejurus sahaja habis menonton wayang, saya dan teman-teman keluar untuk mengambil angin dan membuat ulasan. Tiba-tiba, MR.A-Z menelefon saya. Dia bertanya jika saya boleh berbual ditelefon dengannya. Bayangkan, jika anda bersam teman-teman anda, dan seseorang menyukai diri anda menelefon anda, adakah anda akan:
a) Meneruskan perbualan dengan pemanggil itu
atau
b) menyelesaikan perbualan ditelefon dan teruskan perbincangan anda dengan
teman-teman yang berdiri didepan anda.
Nampak sah, anda akan memilih jawapan B.
Saya tidak faham mengapa dia harus menanyakan soalan yang tidak masuk akal. Ini yang menambahkan tekanan!!! Adakah ini sesuatu yang tidak dapat difahami atau memang tidak tercapai diakal seseorang? Mungkin ada yang tertanya apakah perasaan saya terhadap jejaka itu, dan apakah jalan cerita yang sebenarnya.

Dahulu sekali, saya ingin meminta maaf kepada jejaka berkenaan. Saya tidak bermaksud untuk melonggokkan semua ini kepadamu pada saat-saat begini dan saya amat berharap awak dapat memahami perasaan saya.

Sebenarnya, rasa suka kepada awak telah lama pudar. Peluang hanya datang sekali. Pertama kali, dalam jangakauan 9 bulan dahulu, saya mengenali diri awak. Sebulan kemudian, awak menyatakan bahawa awak menyukai diri saya, kerana saya in lain daripada yang lain. Saya merasa gembira namun, hati yang kecil ini dilukai apabila saya mendapat tahu awak membohongi diri saya. Beberapa minggu selepas itu, perasaan benci, marah dan kesal kian pudar. Tetapi, diri ini rimas dengan angan-angan palsu dan janji-janji. Sekali lagi, parut yang masih merah berdarah kembali. Kita teruskan hidup, tetapi selang beberapa bulan, awak berjumpa dengan teman istimewa. Itu tidak menjadi masalah bagi saya. Tetapi selepas kamu berdua berpisah, saya mengambil kisah tentang diri awak. Tidak sanggup saya melihat awak dalam kepiluan. Saya cuba mendekati diri awak, tetapi saya dihalang dengan alasan bahawa hati awak sudah tertutup. Dan kini, awak menonggang-balikkan cerita dan berkata bahawa awak menyimpan perasaan terhadap saya??? Sesungguhnya, dengan terang saya katakan, bahawa saya ini bukan seorang gadis yang boleh awak anggap sebagai boneka. Kerana kebingungan diri awak, saya pun menjadi bingung. Ini menambahkan rasa kesal saya terhadap awak. Dan kerana awak merasakan bahawa menganggu saya itu seperti suatu daripada hobi awak, saya marah. Kedegilan awak dapat mencetuskan api didalam hati yang sudah menyala menjadi suatu letupan yang dasyat. Sekali lagi maafkan saya jika awak tersinggung, saya tidak dapat meluahkan perasaan hati menerusi perbualan telefon mahupun pesanan ringkas. Wardah yang paling sesuai untuk saya meluahkan kata hati ialah menerusi wardah penyuratan atau 'blogging'. Peluang hanya datang sekali. Saya telah memberi awak lebih dari 2 peluang. Maafkan saya, saya tidak dapat meneruskan apa yang awak inginkan. Biarlah kita sekadar teman biasa. Tidak lebih dari itu. Maafkan aku....

Tired

It's not even a day and i am already tired. Went to buy tix for transformers since my father told me to bring my younger siblings to the movies to catch that movie. If not for my lil 5 yr old bro, I wouldn't have gone. But the show was not even boring... at least. The story line is quite simple. There was more action... Thats good. So, I cried during some touching parts where bumblebee was being frozen by the stupid section seven. But most of the time, it was laughing that i did most. Yah so overall, i enjoyed the movie. 4 stars out of 5! 4 cos i hated the section seven ppl. and that megatron should have died miserably. What an ending! And because Bumblebee was so cute! nice sia the chevy. haha... ok stoppit... next topic.

I saw some ads before the show and i would wanna watch ratatouille. Evan almightty is on alluc. and its damn boring. the story line is quite slow in the beginning. Gone shopping? ALONE!!! yes! i gotta see that movie man. Pid! I cant wait! Anyone for ratatouille?

So, yesterday someone who has been missing in my life for quite sometime smsed me. Wished me goodnight and all... shall i put this down???? Nvrmind, I won't put this down until i'm ready and until i have thought over it. But what i can say is that, I'm still quite confused about what he tells me. Its like, he beats around the bush. (Gawd the song 'sederhana' is bothering me sia)... I am not really sure of my feelings towards him. Its not that i don't like him. But I don't like the fact that he is making me confused. Am i making you confused? I think i am. I am a confused person i guess... Ouh, so he is confused too.... I see... what am i gonna do?

what a day....

Hellooo... sorry i didn't blog yesterday... I have to admit things don't usually go our way. What we plan to do, may not happen. In God's will. So now I'm stealing time... blogging. I wanted to blog yesterday but I was too tired that I fell asleep while tutoring!!! Well, nvm... what's in the past, is in the past.

So yesterday... Was quite a long day for me... But I have this one occasion to write about. We were at the student lounge playing a game or two of 8 ball billiards, then sarah wanted to SB, so fidz and shaad followed. Left me and ziza. So when i was bored, i took out a dollar and started playing. ALONE. Did some powerful shots and voila! A guy, JJ, came to me and asked if he could play with me. Why not? After all he's the one paying.. haha. Got some experience. So I played and I'm lucky that i won. Cos he pocketed the ball in the wrong pocket. Then Shaad challenged me. I won again. No tyco but i actually pocketed 4 balls in a straight row! Alhamdullilah... then another guy, JJ's friend challenged me. I won again. ;p then matthew challenged me. He won. DANG. I admit i was a lil tired and couldn't focus. playing billiards is tiring too okay! haha... so till next time, bye

:D

Today was really... 'EXCITING'. Lots of unexpected things happened... Unexpectedly... haha. (God! Did a mosquito just fly out from my chin?) I went to class late. Like 3.5 hours late? Ya. And Fidz and Shaad didn't talk to me sey... We were not talking for like 1 hr and i couldn't take it. I knew something was wrong. They were unhappy of something but I wasn't really my fault. And I am sure no one is to be blamed. Well, we were not talking for an hour and when the guys went to their friday prayers, I had a talk with Sarah. I knew where the mistake was. But I didn't know how to make it up to the guys and I searched for a corner to cry. Haha... 'Itu pun nak nangis... Mira emo uh....' Cut the story short. Now, WE ARE TALKING AGAIN! Woohooh! after 4 hrs of cold silence. I was so happy I bought for them snacks... hahaha..... I am so tired now and i don't wanna be late tmr... So chalo!

Sick and ain't lovin' it!

Hello people! How are you guys these days. I caught a flu virus from my dad, which was quite contagious. Nina and me got it, and sadly, I passed it to Sarah... Cool man... Hahaha... I wore my specs to school today which I had found inside the L.I.V.E Army paper bag. I found some other useful stuffs too inside it. Like One of my drumstick, my health booklet, Sec 3 handbook which hold so much memories of my secondary school life... And... Masking tape which I had been searching for from the first day of the block. Which was like 3 weeks or so ago! YAY ALIFF MENANG! ALIFF!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

I did some materials and finishings from 10+ to 4 then 4-9pm was like architecture drawing time. Took me bloody 3 damn hrs to finish a bloody plan.... but surely i had fun... Damn loads of fun... Wit me and sarah being sick together, and our crappiness... hahaha... Plan to Camp at The Studio tomorrow. We're not going to go out for some bloody long time as we plan to bring food from home... so we dun waste so much time on going out. The faster we finish! haha... Cool rite... But i know thats kinda lame. You know what? the jacket i bought from I.P.Zone can change colors. I told ziza that my jacket was green in color. Then when i met her in the bus, It changed to brown. Then Ziza was like "hey this is brown laaa!" I was shocked la... But maybe i didnt realize. Then at 7 plus pm, i realized that the color was green. Ziza went home earlier so i couldnt show her... Whoa style uh my jacket...

Syariff Sleeq smiled and said hi to me at Design Canteen today! ok thats lame" but i like listening to his voice... haha... And Didicazli... and Thaqif... Imran, And more RnB ppl... Though i dont favor hip hop that much...

Im happy! but sick....

I got a sore throat... How worst could it be? I've got one random thought just moments ago... 'I love going to places with great lighting. Makes me more photogenic when cam-whoring!' haha... So random. That was like when i was listening to Ingrid's lecture about how to do a storyboard for our assignment. Speaking of which, I have loads of them waiting... I'll do it tomorrow. The table at my house is crooked. I cant get a parallel line!!! As Ingrid would say, The lines seems to converge at one point... Its not even perspective drawing!!! you understand what i mean? i dun... but nvm... haha.
chalo *awwwww! kaki cramp!!!!*

I'm Bored....

There's this irritating shaad with me... hit his balls yesterday... He was too irritating. He keeps disturbing me and im having my red week this week. AGAIN! haha... His lil' friend ought to be kicked. Like 'Kicked in the arse' session'....

I'm now in the CAD lab with BARA, except that sarah magically changed to Seng Hwee... HAHA. IMAGINE~ 10am i went to the bus stop. waited for 30 mins for the damn bus to come. And when i caught a sight of it, sarah msg me and asked if the measurements were with me. Believe it or not, i forgot to bring my bagpack along! hahaha... mira, mira.... then i went home again. so sad.... and another one...

something bad happened yesterday at home. I was playing with the pc when something undescribable happened. I had to reboot the com. I dunno how to. I asked the people... Like my friend, shaad, and i think its him only. So he doesnt know. then i went to plug in my laptop and checked the enet on how to reboot. An article said something about switching the cpu switch off and on it again. I did that without switching of the main switch and CRASH! The insides of the CPU exploded. My face was literraly infront of the ventilation fan. Luckily it didn't fall to pieces and damage my face. THANK GOD! as for that pc, i'd say TATAH! chalo

hello hello HELLO!

It's me and i feel so funny today. though im tiredx.... haha. Today is so much fun! fidz blanja us after class... play pool... me pokai. haha. Seriously... OMG. One month of no allowance and its terrible. omg! And O keeps complaining to us early in the morning about ingrid and assignments. Sarah was friggin fed up with her. haha... kesian kau sarah... any way, i caught this two stanza piece while waiting for shaad to finish his work... It's kinda random but i was quite emo just now. For just a few lil moments. here it goes.

Andai dapatku meluahkan rasa hati
Yang selama ini terpendam dikalbuku
Sang rembulan yang menjadi saksi
Penderitaan yang ku alami

Janji-janjimu terabadi dalam hati
Menghuni hati yang telah dilukai
Kesetiaan dan keabadian
Ini semua kau lupakan

Trying to make a song out of this... of course i have to work it out, maybe tomorrow when i randomly get into my emo mood. I get into moods randomly. Like totally RANDOM! In the morning, I was crazy, then Emo, then cheerful, then Emo, then playful... haha. RANDOMNESssS.... haha..... funny lar u mirra.... hahaahahahaha

mana lah budak2 nie kata nak online.... tak nampak pon nick diorg menjelma... phuuiiik! harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi...

loneliness....

I don't know if he's reading this. I miss him sometimes. I miss telling him off. I miss how he hurts me with his tongue which is sharper than a thousand knives. Yes, it's hard between us. There's always issues I'll bring up, and some issues he'll bring up. But we fairly know we need each other. I know he needs me. He doesn't realize it. Ok, maybe he realizes it subconsciously, but he doesn't know or something like that. We prefer it to be that way. For us to be apart. But we wanna see each other. Something like that? Hmms. I'm also confused.

You know what? If he doesn't care, I don't. But I know he's trying to reach me. Its always when I'm busy doing something or I don't hear my cell ring. Too bad... my cell is always on vibrate.

-A guy who would write a song and sing it for me, knows how to touch me.-

Though I can write and sing, but it isn't appropriate for a girl to sing for a guy... or something like that. That is my personal preference, Guys sing for girls, Girls listen and melt. Haha. But girls do sing. In disappointment, in confusion, in happiness, in sadness, but never about chasing a guy. Do they. Planning to start writing... ask a friend of mine to play the guitar and I'll sing. What the songs would be about? well, wait... My friends, Patience is a virtue! Meanwhile, go to www.imeem.com n check out these boys. "Wanted boys". They can write, not sing, but play music very well. They are the jiwangs version of
velvet rose... ouh... so touched.

Friday the thirteenth...

Found this music video online.
It don't make any difference to me (Acoustic Feat. Akil Dasan)


13th July has been a long day for me. Faced a couple of embarrassing moments like when we were going to eat at ITAS, me and sarah wanted to do our normal butt-kicking routine to shaad and fidz. As I was jump and kick Shaad's butt, Sarah gave me a light pull on the hand and I fell backwards and I landed on my butt, (tu lah namanya dolat) hurt my ankle and wrist. Dang! Paisey sia. Then another one. I asked Ingrid (ArDwg Lecturer) to check on my work. So she did but said I had make a mistake on some parts which was drawing the back wall of a building (we were doing 1 point perspective drawing)and told me to go to Seng Hwee. So I did. He told me he used 'agarration'. So I did, and I asked Ingrid to check again. She told me it was wrong and that there was a method and she left me alone to find out. WTH. Then I went around to ask. I shouted "Who knows how to do the back wall???!!!" Sarah responded and said "Harry knows!" so I ran to where Harry was supposed to sit, but I remembered that Harry had a fever and wasn't in school! omfg! wth.... sarah tricked me!!!! hahaha....

I think that is all I could remember about school yesterday. Then when I came back, My father asked me to follow him to send my brother for shooting at Yung Ho road. Some where in jurong. He doesn't know the way so I had to go. Damn it was freaking long. I just hate shootings. I wonder how the people can stand it. Freaking damn long hours, we came at 9pm and ended at 3am... WTH... I slept in the car during that period of time. But even though I slept, It was tiring cos I was sleeping in a sitting position. Saw some familiar faces like Kak lili who did the make-up, Khai (director), Rafi khan (assistant director and the guy who sold a car to my father years ago), cik jun (junaidah md. nor), mahadi shor, zainal ihim, arif shamsudin, and many more la... haha. Can't remember. I was asleep. Cik Jun took a ride home from us and confessed that in her life as a comedian, never she had shooting till 3 am. God. They r so unprofessional.

edited pics

this is what i've been doing today...

12 july

-OMG... Im watching the news now and there is a part where a guy was electrified by his iPod. He was listening to it when there was a lightning. His eardrums ruptured and his lung burned. OMG... you could see his ear piece melt. eww

-My day... Today, went to play pool after school at ard 4, played at the student lounge with bara and farah. today was as usual, a funny, crappy, full of lame jokes day... haha... What do i blog about? everyday seems to be funny.

ok, i know. i stopped playing cs. haha. then... umm... now we play pool... haha. and i'm crapping. oh! no dk practice! haha. great... more time for my assignments which i have no idea on how to start... haha... need to find materials. i wonder where can i get them... f***.....

wierd day...

at school just now, when we went to eat, on the way, a cleaner said "hai... leh kenal2?".. he's like so old already sia! ini lah namanya sudah mencapai usia tua bangka... makanya, berdoalah agar kita, ibu bapa dan nenda2 kita tidak mencapai usia itu. then... we went to mat and fin class. went out to opp tp with the class and bansoon for some lecture or something... then he blanja us bubble tea! haha.... so fun lar... i got manny assignments to do.. cheh... omg!!! khai!!! u so handsome lar!!!!!! haha... aeynn i think you know who i am referring to....

10.07.07

Ahh... I'm so innn looove with the song from live earth which goes like this... 'this could be good, hey you...' God... that song moves me...

Figured out that sometimes, things won't go your way. Wouldn't it be better to cherish the ones who love you instead?

'Aku junjung petuaku, cintai dia yang mencintaiku'-Cinta-

(I hold my principles up high, love the ones who love me)

After I tried liking him, this is what I get. The door to his heart is closed and what? That's it! I'm moving on... I'm tired of all this crap he gives me. Tired... yes I'm tired. Very, very tired. The exhaustion is excruciating!

Today, was fun, as usual. But I think I'm tired of CS. Also scared hassan will sound us again. haha. Yesterday, me, harry, candice and edison went to play CS at the green CAD lab. I had to crack the file open before i could play. So while I was cracking, they were already shooting. And a few minutes later, Hassan came in and went to harry. he told them to stop. I didn't realise he came in actually... Luckily i hadnt open the file. if not, sure blacklist. haha. So we found out how harry got caught playing CS. His monitor was high up and ppl who walk by could actually see what he was doing. haha... bodoh betul. ended up playing addicting games...

And shaad, keeps kacau-ing me, tickle me lah, pinch me... haiz... then farah... omg! She acts cute... haha... i think im more cuter... and funnier... longkang... haha... but nvrmind, as long as she's happy and doesn't disturb me.... peace!

(still thinking, breating, loving... earth)

great triple 7!

Great! Went to school today early in the morning to find that there was no APEL. Fish! Then, spent my time 'constructively' by playing cs at the CAD lab. 117:17... me, fidz shaad, seng hwee, candice, cq and edison played... so fun larh... we become terrorists... haha... imagine 1 battle is done and finished with in less than 5 secs. we sure make a good team! We ended up not fighting for the number of wins but for the number of enemies each of us killed. candice and edison got 300+ but me, i was fourth in place with 100+... but not bad... haha... after that me, shaad, fidz, seng hwee and candice went to tm to play pool.
Didn't play Daytona today, and btw, today is green day! Bara wore gree!!!! woot! but nvr take pic! dang! chyetuts. so then we ate long johns n went window shopping. sometime later, we went our separate ways, me and shaad, fidz and candice... haha... cute la.... haha... today was damn cute!

updates...

i hadn't update for a long time cos these few days i have been tired. yesterday i slept at 6.30 pm! and just now i woke up at 7. still i am tired... haha... wth... Now i know something. why MR.A is smothering me to go out with me. that is because he wants to be certain of his feelings for me. he likes me, but he wants to be certain... geddit? for me, there is some parts that i like but there are some parts when i don't. i can't explain these parts cos i dont know for sure...
maybe one part when i dont like him is when he is irritating. He is not a mind reader. so now i know. thats not a win-lose situation for me. Wait, i don't think you r getting what im talking about. Nevermind... so do i! haha... these is what happens when i am tired... but nvrmind. updates tmr...

nightmare!

The more you irritate me, the more feelings towards you are lost. I had just regained my confidence to trust you and now, you come crashing in like a... what? heavy rotten durian. Oh guy... Why d'you have to do this to me???

I already have no mood for all this today. What are you doing to me? Why cant you make me feel soothed? I'm damn tired, just came back from school. Went home with a very positive attitude thinking you might make my day. But you were the worst...

So tired n hungry...

Yeah... I was hungry, but now i've just finished two bowls of noodles. Great... now i have sufficient energy to blog and tell you guys the whole of what happened today and my personal thoughts.

Went to school s usual today, quite early actually. All my younger siblings aren't schooling today. so shiok. Me, i have to... no youth day for me. but i personally feel that the school should have earth day as a holiday or some special event since our school 'Cares' so much about the earth, global warming, and stuff. haha. Ok, so i had Architecture drawing. Ingrid was talking about always using the correct TERMS or 'terminology' as Ban soon always say it... (Why can't ban soon just use 'term' instead of that long 5 syllable word? dang!) had stupendous fun (wow i actually used this word that i didn't know what its definition is, but what i thought it meant was actually its definition! you get what i mean? nvm...) drawing plans. Time Zooms when you are actually concentrating. For lunch, we walked all the way to opp TP to grab some fast food. Went to Mac since shaad thickened his skin to take for us the coupons (GST Rise mah!) and had a splendid meal cos of the company. Who else but my BARA click!!! Hahaha... too bad only five of us are in this click. If there were other ppl that r as crazy as us but 'NOT TOO OVER', then they are always welcomed in the club! Too sad too say, Farah is always with her other friends. but never mind, life's never better. We went on talking and talking, from what we wanna do as a click, to the different kinds of fishes (in malay, and shaad was totally lost), to the types of veges, to dreams and what they meant, to... haha... i forgot. but the list was sure damn long!!! we sat until like 2+ then went back to school. we sat there for about an hr or so. then we went to ban soon's empty classroom. Took pics and chit chat like as if we r inside a market. His class is sometimes boring, sometimes its fun. Boring cos he keeps talking crap. some e.g of crap would be, praising himself and his long grandfather stories. Me and sarah, we actually slept for 15 mins. then end of class, we went to the amphitheatre to take some pics which i will not be uploading tonight. Tired ya know. so basically thats what i did today. I came back home sweating from all the jumping and posings.

Now, what happened recently or not so recently. Went out with him one time, and he told me that he regards me as his ex. (how can that be cos he never, ever, sounded me!) A few weeks later, he asked if i would give 'us' a chance. My answer is simple. I told him 'If i could, I would'. I prefer only going out with guys... with no strings attached. He and some guys before me hurt me once. Im not going to lick my spit. Its just not me after my drastic first break-up. I jolly-well know i cant see two different people as the same. But the truth is, I am afraid. Especially when i have my other responsibilities as a child. I know how relationships can affect studies. I'm not going to let this happen again.
I'm lonely, i know.
I am jealous of other people's relationships. its a norm.
I hope my was as good as theirs. I'd always hope.
No relationship has no shakes. D'uh.
But im always wary. I need assurance.
I'd always hope if i have a guy, That person would really take care of my lil heart, and won't smash it like how others did to it. (ouh my poor lil heart...)
:s